How to protect relationships with estate planning
Written by Melissa Iara for Australian Seniors
After the death of a loved one, families can be torn apart by conflicts over assets such as homes, cars and money. But even small items left behind can cause rifts that are difficult to manage.
“I’ve seen relationships become irreconcilable,” says Bob Morton, co-founder and director of The Property Clearance Company, which helps people deal with deceased estates.
What may begin as a minor fracture can, under the pressure of inheritance and grief, turn into a chasm with no way back. “I’ve seen legal battles, evictions of family members from estate properties, even reports of violence,” Bob says. “When it gets problematic, it can really go quite deep.”
Related: Where to store your will and final wishes
Emotions run high
Grief is intensely personal and everyone handles it differently – and those differences can easily trigger misunderstandings or conflict. Some family members may want to resolve affairs quickly, for example, which others may interpret as disrespectful – some may prefer to leave everything untouched for months, even years. “In both situations, nobody is necessarily wrong,” says Bob. “They’re just very different in approach.”
A poor understanding of the executor’s role can also fuel disputes, he adds. Often, the significance of the position isn’t fully realised until a death occurs, and circumstances may have changed since the executor was nominated.
“It really has to be managed by someone with the time, expertise and mindset to fulfil the role. If they don’t step into that fully, you can then get influences from other people that might be trying to help, or trying to influence outcomes.” (If you’d like to understand more about an executor’s role, read our guide for understanding a last will & testament in layman’s terms).
Related: How and why you should prepare your will
Spelling it out
The best way to avoid conflict is to clearly document your intentions before you die in an up-to-date will and include details beyond major assets, particularly for items with sentimental value.
Another option is to ‘gift’ possessions while you’re still alive, such as passing on cherished items to family members who have a personal connection to them.
If the person has already died, the will’s executor should seek legal and financial advice to ensure a loved one’s belongings are managed appropriately. Bob also suggests creating a detailed catalogue of assets and personal effects, and being fully transparent about the process – what’s being gifted to whom, and why.
Sometimes families choose to give relatives the chance to request special items, subject to the executor’s approval. Bob has also worked with families who offer certain possessions for sale to family members, allowing them to buy items directly from the estate.
Related: A guide to leaving items to beneficiaries in your will
Heading off disputes
Having a detailed record of possessions can also be a practical strategy against disputes. “If any possessions have already been removed by people, that’s a very difficult thing for an executor to manage, although they do have powers and authority,” Bob says.
“We often build photo catalogues of everything in the home prior to anything being moved, for example. That can be done quite time and cost-effectively these days, and help establish a point-in-time record of what was there, and therefore help people manage or mitigate disputes over possessions if you’ve got really good records.”
A third party can also help families determine the true financial value of items. “I’ve seen many instances where family members have a view of a financial value on something because it was important to their parent, and in many instances it’s just not true. Then a dispute can build, where one says: ‘Why did you sell that for $100? It was really important to mum, it’s been in the family for generations. It should have been worth thousands.’ Involving a professional organisation through that process can help get to the facts, rather than the folklore.”
Overall, a clear will and thoughtful planning before death, followed by transparent administration with professional support, helps avoid issues down the track. “Like anything in life, if you’re just going to wing it you’re exposing yourself to problems,” Bob says.
Related: The future of funerals
Fast facts: family rows
The Australian Seniors Series: Inheritance & Retirement Report 2024 finds:
- 53% of over 50s are drawing up a will to prevent rows over their estate
- 44% are having honest and open family discussions
- 17% are labelling items they want to leave to specific family members
- 15% plan to distribute assets based on emotional bonds
23 Aug 2026