Love letters: How to write a legacy letter for your loved ones

A man smiling fondly reads a legacy letter from his loved one after they passed away

Written by Cameron Bayley for Australian Seniors

Writing a letter to be read after your death is possibly the ultimate act of closure. Legacy letters, as they’re known, are much like a will in that they are to be opened once someone has died. And while not legally binding, they have their own special power.

“It’s a personal document that’s written to share life lessons, values, memories, hopes, usually shared with family or other people the writer is in a relationship with,” explains Christopher Hall, CEO of Grief Australia. “Its goal really is to transmit emotional, moral and sometimes spiritual inheritances, rather than financial assets from a legal will.”

They can also bring about a certain calm for the writer, adds Claire Hoffman, co-author of Don’t Die Without Me, a workbook to help people get their affairs in order. “Getting things out of one’s head and onto paper, I feel like there’s a lot of relief in that, and in the sense that they don’t necessarily have to give it to the person right now.”

One of the reasons we’re turning to legacy letters more, she believes, is because there’s less communication with elders. “I feel like in the past, things were passed down. It was more like, ‘These are all the recipes’, or ‘These are the life lessons’. But as society has evolved we’ve become more individualised, more isolated.”

It could also be that we’re becoming a society that increasingly likes to personalise our experiences. “People are taking greater control of funerals and memorials, a whole range of things,” Christopher explains. Writing a legacy letter can be part of this concept of curating how you want to be remembered. “It gives the writer something to have control over, a durable narrative of themselves,” he says.

There are really no rules when it comes to them, though. They don’t even need to be a traditional letter, they could be a photograph, or a few lines written in something meaningful. “It could be a recipe book with some notes in it,” says Claire. “We don’t want to do something that will overwhelm us.”

If you are looking for a basic structure of a legacy letter, Christopher says there are often six components. “The first part is introduction, the second is telling your story, the third is about sharing values, the fourth is expressing gratitude, the fifth is about reflection and regrets, and the closing is about offering blessings or guidance, the lessons of a life.”

Letters can be a good way to clear the air, if that’s needed, but it’s wise not to expect them to function as a be-all and end-all, he adds. “They’re not kind of magic. They can be moving, they can be meaningful, but they can’t guarantee family harmony or resolve conflicts.” Claire agrees. “The main thing with legacy letters is bringing a sense of peace to both the writer and the recipient.”

Picturing the moment can help knowing what to write, she offers. “Put yourself in the position of being dead, and everyone’s around you. How do you think they might feel and what could you offer those people. Imagine what each person who is close to you might be dealing with.”

How to get started writing your legacy letter

Both Claire and Christopher advocate using technology if that helps. You could record a video or voice message. There are online sites to prompt and assist (and even store and deliver) legacy letters; you could use AI to help compile what you want to say, plus there are also services that can capture your story for you.

With quite a lot of paperwork to be done to prepare for your death – such as writing your will, deciding on a power of attorney, nominating your super beneficiary, assigning guardianship of any pets – compiling a message to be left to your loved ones can actually be a good way to ease into this, says Claire.

“You can do the legacy letters first, and then all those legal documents, they kind of go hand in hand because now you’re thinking about it.”

Like all the preparation for when our time comes, legacy letters should perhaps be done earlier rather than later. “I think they really should be thought about while we’re still healthy and living, rather than on our deathbed when all manner of other things are going on,” says Claire. “It’s a worthwhile endeavour, I think, for everybody.”

Fast facts: discussions around death

The Australian Seniors Series: Cost of Death Report 2023 finds that:

35% agree, to a great extent, that we need to talk about death more
50% agree, to some extent
15% don’t agree
85% think families should discuss death privately, among themselves

11 Sept 2026