How comedian Michelle Brasier turns grief into laughter

Written by Ingrid Laurence for Australian Seniors

Disclaimer: Please be advised that this blog contains discussions about death, which may be triggering or upsetting for some readers. Reader discretion is advised. If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one, please know that you are not alone and there are resources available. For additional support please contact Lifeline on 131 114 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636

When Australian comedian, writer and actor Michelle Brasier lost both her father and brother to cancer, she was left with more than just crushing grief. According to the genetic counsellor she saw when she was in her 20s, she faced a 97% chance of developing cancer herself. But instead of dwelling on gloom and doom, she has tackled the issue with her favourite weapon: humour.

The performer with the powerhouse voice first found fame appearing alongside Shaun Micallef and Aunty Donna on TV skit shows and starring in comedy festivals, including the Edinburgh Fringe. But it’s her musical comedy show Average Bear (the name is inspired by Michelle finding out she has less time to live than an average bear) that has resonated with audiences across the world, and has particularly attracted people dealing with grief or terminal diagnoses.

“I try to make shows that are funny about things that are sad,” says Michelle, who released her memoir My Brother’s Ashes Are in a Sandwich Bag last year. “If you’re a clown, you’re a clown, you can’t turn it off, and you shouldn’t turn it off unless you want to,” she tells host James Valentine on the sixth season of the award-winning Australian Seniors Life’s Booming podcast, Dying to Know.

“I have so many audience members who are actively dying and they come and they’re like, tonight might be the night. Let’s go! I was like, yes, let’s have a laugh. If you only have 24 hours left, the least I can do is give you a laugh.”

Related: How Australians are now putting a touch of ‘fun’ into funerals

Dealing with grief: Why humour can help

Science backs Michelle’s belief in the power and healing potential of laughter. Griefline counsellor and clinical services manager Marianne Bowdler, also on the podcast, explains how grief manifests as what experts term situational distress. “A thing happens, then you get distressed. And part of that is a very low mood, and if you do nothing to break the low mood, that can run into depression,” she says.

And while comedy and “having a laugh” doesn’t take away the distress exactly, it ruptures it, Marianne says, “because it alleviates the mood, it alleviates the tension, you feel more connected and, certainly in a comedy show, you just feel connected to everybody else in the room”.

“There is such a similar physiological response that we have to crying as we do when we’re laughing or when we’re singing,” Michelle adds. “It’s our release, just getting it out. A release is so valuable. It’s catharsis and we need it.”

Related: Tips for coping with grief’s rollercoaster

Finding the funny side of funerals

Michelle is a fan of laughter at funerals, too. “It’s somebody speaking on a microphone that doesn’t really work and they don’t know how to use the microphone. They’re making a speech. They’re not a good speech writer. They shouldn’t be making a speech. It’s never going well. And that’s kind of funny.

“My dad’s funeral was excellent. We’d made this playlist of his favourite songs for him to be carried out of the church. Unfortunately, there was a bit of a mix-up and that playlist didn’t play when he was carried out of the church. It played as he was lowered into the ground in the cemetery, which would have been fine had the first song not been Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash. And it was the funniest thing that’s ever happened, my family was in hysterics.

“Everybody else was taking it very seriously, didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to touch it, trying to keep it away. But the rest of us, the ones who really, really knew him and really loved him, were in there having a laugh because it was like, this is absurd. And death is absurd. And so is life, and that’s fine. I think we just need to go gentle with ourselves and with the people that we’re trying to help, let yourself have a laugh, you deserve it, it’s hard.”’

Related: Public figure Blanche d’Alpuget shares how she coped with grief under the spotlight

Preparing for grief and loss

It doesn’t help, says Marianne, that our society is not well equipped to deal with grief. “Our statutory bereavement leave is only two days,” she observes. “And so workplaces struggle to know how to support people. We do training for workplaces, how to support your colleagues, how to support teammates, how to cope in the office. There’s a lot of interest because we don’t know how to support the team.”

What is also helpful is to realise that we are all mortal, Marianne says. “And when you get your head around that then you can, I think, fully be present in the moment and enjoy things.”

It’s certainly something that Michelle, with her family background, understands only too well. “At the end of the day, it’s a gift,” she says. “The gift of perspective, of knowing that you’re only here for a short time, so you might as well make it a good time. And that’s true of anyone. It doesn’t matter if you live to a hundred, it’s probably still going to feel short.”

In the meantime, she has her keen sense of humour. “I just think we can’t treat people who are grieving, or who are dying for that matter, with cotton gloves,” Michelle says. “And that’s why I make these shows for people to come and laugh.”

Tune in to hear more from Michelle Brasier and Marianne Bowdler in Finding the Funny Side, episode 6 of the Australian Seniors podcast series Life’s Booming: Dying to Know, hosted by James Valentine.