Barry Du Bois on embracing resilience through cancer

Written by Leigh Reinhold for Australian Seniors

When Barry Du Bois was what he calls a “young warrior”, some 30 years ago, he dreamed of being the wealthiest man on the planet. “I thought I could be the world’s richest man, and I aspired to do that,” the self-made millionaire builder, TV presenter and mental health advocate tells DARE. 

“And I think that ambition was great. When you’re in your 30s, you’re in what I call your ‘warrior zone’. So, it was healthy that I had that ego, that I believed I could take on anything that came my way,” he says.

“But there comes a point where you go, okay, being the wealthiest person in the world doesn’t really matter as much to me now as being the best person I can be, because that’s infinite.”

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Love, loss and resilience: The Du Bois family story

For Barry, 65, who now identifies as an “elder of the tribe”, the journey to find his deeper awareness has been one filled with life-challenging obstacles. Infertility and miscarriages initially blocked the path to parenthood for him and his wife of 26 years, Leonie. And the couple – now dedicated parents to 13-year-old twins Arabella and Bennet – have both lived through their own separate cancer diagnoses, coming out stronger for the experiences.

“She’s an incredible woman, my wife,” Barry says, who at times has also suffered from debilitating depression. “She has incredible strength and tenacity. In my view, she’s been through more than I have. You know, everybody talks about how amazing it is that I go through what I go through, but she’s going through everything with me. And her own battles.”

Facing mortality with purpose and positivity 

For Barry, who learned 15 years ago he had solitary plasmacytoma, a rare blood cancer, which developed into myeloma, an incurable blood cancer in 2017, his “curve balls” have been grounding and eye-opening.

“In a sense, it’s a great thing what happened because I was given a really close focus on what mortality could look like.”

Barry earned fame as the resident designer on Network Ten’s The Living Room. “I wish everybody – without the danger – could see what I see. Because then we’d live much fuller lives and we wouldn’t spend so much time on such petty stuff.”

When he was first diagnosed with cancer, Barry decided he wasn’t going to be beaten by his dire prognosis of three months to live. “I said to myself, I won’t let this get to me. I’m gonna find stepping stones to help me get over this. So, I had to go to the things that I could do better and the things that added real value to my life, whether it was going to be for three months or 30 years.”

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Barry leant in hard to what he calls the “fundamentals of life”. “It’s Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” he says of psychologist Abraham Maslow’s theory of the stages of human motivation. “It’s a sense of stability, a sense of security, a sense of belonging. You get that through community. And also, through the curiosity and the self-belief that a problem can be resolved one way or another. 

“Every time we have these adverse moments, if we paddle into them, we gain resilience. And, in the river of life, I believe that resilience is like a life jacket. It’s a buoyancy. The more resilience you have, the more buoyant you are.”

Daily rituals for a resilient life

His recipe for overcoming whatever life throws his way is a combination of positivity, curiosity, a sense of purpose and premium care for himself and his family. “Every day I wake up feeling fantastically because it’s another day ahead,” says Barry, who’s an ambassador for R U OK? Day. “I learned a long time ago that we need to cherish every moment. So, I wake up early and look forward to the day.

“And I’ve got my beautiful twins who have started high school this year, and I enjoy the development that they’re getting through that. And I just enjoy life.”

His children Bennet and Arabella are his life’s joy. “Parenthood is the biggest job of your life, and it should be treated as the most important thing in your life. I don’t believe the size of your house matters as much as the patience of your parenting.

I do fatherhood at the speed of patience. I also do fatherhood at the complexity of the age of the child. I treat them like teenagers. I don’t talk to them like they’re adults.”

Breath work, stem cells and staying strong

Feeling fitter at 65 than he was at 50, Barry is an avid sailor, swimmer and surfer and starts each morning with intentional breath work, which he continues to do throughout the day. He believes the practice helps his body create the healthy stem cells he needs to continue fighting myeloma. 

“I’m not out running marathons,” says Barry, who is an ambassador for the Leukaemia Foundation. “But I am consciously doing my best to make sure the stem cells that I’m creating today are as good, if not better, than yesterday.” And right by his side, preparing delicious, nutritious meals and giving him daily words of motivation and inspiration is Leonie, Barry’s rock who he met in 1992 at Dooley’s, the cafe she co-owned in North Bondi.

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“She gives me a reason to be curious on how life can be better. She always challenges me. She gives me support in my self-belief when I have an idea to try something new. It’s her belief in me and the inspiration she gives me. I really adore the balanced human that she is.”

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And so it is his intention to plough forward with his family by his side and positivity as a guide. “If we know we can make our future better by doing certain things, then we know we have a real sense of purpose and a real direction in life. And that direction doesn’t mean being rich and famous. It means being a better communicator, a better lover, a better carer, a better parent, a better friend, a better human.” 

Barry reveals why it’s vital to make a Will in episode 1 of the Australian Seniors podcast Life’s Booming: Dying to Know.